When my fiancé moved in with me and brought his daughter, Amila, she, like clockwork, would wake up before anyone else and prepare an amazing breakfast for us. One day, I finally asked her, “Sweetheart, why do you wake up so early to do all this? What she said floored me.” I heard my dad saying to uncle Jack about my mom that if she can’t wake up early and cook and do all the chores, no one will ever marry or love her. I’m just afraid that daddy won’t love me anymore if I don’t do all these things.” I was speechless…and FURIOUS. My seemingly modern fiancé was mumbling medieval nonsense. Not in my house!
My fiance and his 7-year-old daughter moved in with me. I was looking forward to my new life with them and made sure they felt welcomed and cozy in their new home. But almost every morning, I was awoken by my future stepdaughter’s tiny steps that headed straight to the kitchen to prepare breakfast before her father and I got out of bed.
At first, I found this very cute, but as days went by, I realized this became a routine for Amila. I knew children liked pretending to be adults at times, but it seemed to me that Amila was taking on too much herself.
One morning, when I entered the kitchen, I saw he making coffee using the coffee machine. “Look, I made you and daddy some fresh coffee, please try it and tell me if you like it,” she said to me.
“Of course I like it sweetheart, but why are you doing all this?” I said. “You know what Amila, you are still very young and you need more sleep, why would you wake up before dawn and make breakfast for us?” I honestly wondered.
But Amila pretended not to hear what I was saying.
The breakfast thing happened again and again, and I found it more awkward each time.
It was like that until I figured out she was trying to please her dad for some reason. When my fiance walked into the kitchen one morning, his daughter told him she made pancakes. He gave her a kiss and said, “Thanks, honey. You’re getting to be quite the little homemaker.”
Hearing the word ‘homemaker,’ Amila and I reacted totally differently from each other. While I was shocked that he called her that, Amila seemed to feel very proud of herself.
This only confirmed my suspicions that there was more to the story.
A few days passed by and I told Amila we needed to talk. I explained that she didn’t need to prepare the breakfast and clean around the house. She was just a child and she should have left the cooking and the chores to the grown ups, but then she turned to me and said something that crushed my heart.
“I heard Daddy talking to Uncle Jack about my mom. He said that if a woman doesn’t wake up early, cook, and do all the chores, no one will ever love or marry her,” Amila said. “So if I don’t do all this, my dad won’t love me any longer.”
Something in me snapped. This sweet child carried the weight of her father’s toxic expectations.
This needed to change ASAP, and I had a plan.
In the days to come, I asked from my fiance to do a bunch of chores, such as mowing the lawn, do the laundry… you name it.
Finally, after a couple of days, he realized something wasn’t right. “Hun, what’s going on, why do you make me do all this?” he asked. “Well, if you can’t do all those chores and more, then you won’t be useful to me, so why would I marry you?” I said.
My words left my fiance speechless. “WHAT!?” he yelled.
I then turned to him and said, “Ryan, do you know why your daughter makes breakfast and cleans the house every single day? Because she overheard you telling your brother that he mom wasn’t worth loving unless she woke up early to cook for you.
“What’s most, she now thinks you won’t love her if she doesn’t do that.”
“Oh my God. But…but I didn’t mean that,” he tried to defend himself.
“You owe your daughter an apology,” I said, hoping I didn’t make things worse.
“I know I do,” Ryan said and went to Amila’s room. He explained to her that his love for her was unconditional. She was his little baby and he loved her no matter what. He told her what she overheard was wrong and that she didn’t need to make breakfast ever again.
Amila felt relieved. These words were everything she needed to hear.
Ryan still feels guilty of making his daughter doubt his love for her, but he now does his best to be a better father.
