Two wives go out for girls’ night.
Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee.
They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.
One used her panties, the other grabbed a wreath off of a grave.
The next morning one husband called the other and said, ‘no more girls night out!
My wife came back with no panties.’ The other husband said, ‘you think that’s bad?
Mine came back with a card in her crack that read, “from all of us at the fire station, we’ll never forget you!”‘”
2nd joke: The first nun goes into the confessional
Four nuns are standing in line for confession.
The first nun goes into the confessional and says bless me father for I have sinned I touched a mans private parts.
The priest asks, “What part of your body did you use?”
The nun replies, “My right hand.”
The priest tells her to dip her right hand in holy water say 10 hail Mary’s and all will be forgiven.
The second nun goes into the confessional and says, “Bless me father for I have sinned I touched a mans private parts.”
The priest asks, “What part of your body did you use?”
The nun replies, “My left hand.”
The priest tells her to dip her left hand in the holy water say 10 hail Mary’s and all will be forgiven.
Well, this leaves the third and fourth nun standing in line.
The fourth nun taps the third nun on the shoulder and asks, “Would you mind if I went first?”
The third nun says, “Sure I don’t care, but would mind telling me why?”
The fourth nun replies, “Well, I would like to drink the water before you have to sit in it!
Loved this ? Here are few more jokes like this :
Joke 1: The Martial Arts Nun
At retreat, one nun announced, “I’ve started taking self-defense classes.” When asked what style she practices, she replied, “Nun-chucks!”
Commentary:
A playful pun on “nunchucks” (the martial arts weapon), this joke pokes fun at the idea of a nun mixing spirituality with a bit of unexpected martial prowess.
Joke 2: Hair Raising Habits
A visitor at the convent asked, “What do you do when your hair is a mess?” Sister Mary replied, “I simply style my habit!”
Commentary:
This joke spins a pun on the word “habit”—referring both to a nun’s clothing and a habitual way of fixing her hair.
Joke 3: Heavenly Speed
While driving together, one nun asked the other, “How do you drive so fast?” The reply was, “I’m always in a hurry to get to Mass!”
Commentary:
A light joke that ties the idea of speed with the urgency of heading to a religious service—all in good humor.
Joke 4: Cookie Confession
At convent bake sale time, a nun whispered, “I might have had one too many cookies.” Her sister replied, “Don’t worry, we all have a few ‘holy’ indulgences!”
Commentary:
A fun nod to the idea that even the most devout have their little guilty pleasures—here, a playful twist on “holy” treats.
Joke 5: Celestial Cafeteria
A novice nun asked, “What do you call a cafeteria in a convent?” The elder replied, “The soup-erior dining hall!”
Commentary:
A pun on “superior” with a twist on soup, connecting everyday nourishment with a heavenly pun.
Joke 6: Prayerful Pick-Up Lines
At a church social, a nun told her friend, “I met a handsome priest, and he said, ‘You must be an angel because your halo is shining!’”
Commentary:
Although playful, the joke takes a light-hearted jab at the idea of divine compliments in a religious setting.
Joke 7: Celibacy Struggles
One nun sighed and said to another, “Sometimes I wish I could go on a date.” The friend replied, “Our schedules are packed with Holy Orders!”
Commentary:
This joke mixes the double meaning of “orders” (religious and a restaurant’s orders) to gently tease the challenges of balancing commitment and personal life.
Joke 8: The Confession Stand-Up
A nun tried stand-up comedy at a retreat and quipped, “I told the confessor I have a split personality—and he said, ‘I’ll see you twice a week!’”
Commentary:
A playfully self-deprecating joke that envisions a nun turning her regular confessions into a humorous routine.
Joke 9: Sisterly Boots
A group of nuns went on a hike, and one commented, “These boots are really designed for long walks on holy ground.”
Commentary:
This joke spins the idea of boots built for walking—a familiar line turned gentle and fun with a religious twist.
Joke 10: Choir Complaints
During choir practice, one nun complained, “I can’t hit the high notes!” Her friend replied, “Maybe you need a little more heavenly inspiration!”
Commentary:
A light jab at the challenges of choir practice, mixing practical musical advice with a celestial pun.
Joke 11: The Celestial Cell Phone
At a modern convent meeting, Sister Agnes said, “I just got a cell phone, but I can’t find a signal!” Another replied, “Maybe try calling Heaven—I’ve heard they have the best reception!”
Commentary:
A humorous twist on modern technology mixed with an age-old concept of communication with the divine.
Joke 12: Nun-Fashion Forward
A nun was complimented on her habit and replied, “Oh, this old thing? It’s my runway uniform—fashionably devout!”
Commentary:
This joke blends the worlds of religious attire and high fashion, with the nun proudly claiming her look as both stylish and respectful.
Joke 13: Holy Wi-Fi
One nun remarked, “I wish our chapel had Wi-Fi so I could stream my daily prayers!” Her friend replied, “That’s divine—prayer downloads at the speed of light!”
Commentary:
A modern twist combining the spiritual with technology—imagining a chapel equipped with the miracle of fast internet.
Joke 14: Garden of Grace
At the convent garden, a nun said, “I planted these flowers as an offering.” Her sister quipped, “I hope they come with a holy bouquet guarantee!”
Commentary:
A pun based on the idea of “guarantee” and bouquets, linking the nurturing of nature with religious dedication.
Joke 15: Baking Blessings
In the convent kitchen, one nun declared, “These cookies are so delicious, they’re practically miraculous!”
Her friend replied, “I always say, a little bit of sugar is the sweetest form of divine intervention.”
Commentary:
A playful reflection on how everyday baking can be celebrated as a small miracle in the quiet world of a convent.
Joke 16: The Sermon on Style
During a sermon, a nun remarked, “I might not be able to convert everyone, but at least my hat can convert a frown into a smile!”
Commentary:
A humorous note on the power of style—implying that even something as simple as a hat can have transformative appeal.
Joke 17: Mixing Miracles with Music
After a lively hymn session, one nun joked, “My vocal cords must be sanctified—they make even the angels want an encore!”
Commentary:
Combining the ideas of divine intervention and musical performance, this joke celebrates the beauty of a well-sung hymn.
Joke 18: A Cup of Celestial Coffee
At the convent café, a nun said, “I’d like a cup of coffee that’s as strong as my faith.”
The barista replied, “One miracle blend coming right up!”
Commentary:
This pun joyfully merges the comforting routine of a coffee break with a boost of spiritual energy.
Joke 19: Heavenly Homework
A teacher nun once said, “When my students ask for extra credit, I tell them, ‘Go help out in the kitchen with Mother Superior!’”
One student remarked, “That’s more blessed than any bonus points!”
Commentary:
A playful observation on the unique “assignments” in a convent school, giving extra credit a delightfully holy twist.
Joke 20: The Miracle of Multitasking
A nun was seen juggling prayer books, a tablet, and a cup of tea. Another commented, “Now that’s what I call blessed multitasking!”
Commentary:
This joke nods to the modern challenges of balancing tradition with technology, humorously labeling it as “blessed multitasking.”
Joke 21: The Humble Confession
During confession, one nun admitted, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned… I once forgot my rosary at home and had to improvise with a string of pearls!”
The priest replied, “Even the holiest of us make pearl-tastic mistakes!”
Commentary:
A lighthearted twist on a confession mishap that turns an everyday blunder into a playful pun on pearls.
Joke 22: Angel Investment
A nun quipped at the convent fundraiser, “I invested in an angel—turns out, it was just a prayer card with a good ROI!”
Commentary:
This joke blends financial terminology with spiritual imagery, humorously comparing a charitable act to a profitable investment.
Joke 23: Sister Superior’s Library
A young novice asked, “Sister, how do you keep track of all your books?”
Sister Superior responded, “I simply call it ‘divine organization’—every volume is in its blessed place!”
Commentary:
A clever pun on the idea of organization and divine order, celebrating the orderliness of a convent library.
Joke 24: The Habitual Compliment
A visitor complimented a nun on her pristine habit, and she replied, “Thank you—I always say a good habit never goes out of style!”
Commentary:
This joke underscores the timeless nature of a nun’s habit and the double meaning of “good habit” as both attire and lifestyle.
Joke 25: Celestial GPS
One nun joked while on a group hike, “I never get lost—I have divine GPS: God’s Positioning System!”
Commentary:
A gentle, humorous take on modern navigation systems with a divine twist that reassures even on challenging trails.
Joke 26: The Habit of Kindness
At a community service event, a nun said, “I try to practice one habit every day—kindness. It costs nothing and goes a long way!”
Commentary:
A sincere, playful remark that ties the concept of habits to daily acts of kindness—epitomizing the essence of a loving spirit.
Joke 27: Novitiate Negotiations
A novice nun once asked her mentor, “Do you ever negotiate with the temptation to slack off?”
The mentor replied, “Every day—I just remind myself that divine deadlines are always on time!”
Commentary:
A humorous look at the daily struggles of discipline, with a nod to the idea that spiritual duties never miss their mark.
Joke 28: The Celestial Choir
During choir practice, one nun teased, “I’m not singing off-key—I’m just creating my own hymn of authenticity!”
A fellow singer replied, “Well, let’s call it a remix from Heaven!”
Commentary:
This light joke turns a potential flaw into a celebrated quirk, suggesting that even a unique tune can have divine approval.
Joke 29: The Confessional Comedian
After a particularly witty confession, a nun remarked, “I used to think confession was serious—until I realized I could make puns with my sins!”
Commentary:
Here, the twist lies in turning a traditionally solemn ritual into a moment of playful self-reflection and humor.
Joke 30: Sisterly Style
At a fashion show for charity, one nun declared, “I may not wear designer labels, but my habit’s always haute couture!”
Commentary:
This pun celebrates modesty by transforming it into high fashion—proving that style can be both simple and sophisticated.
Joke 31: Morning Meditation
A nun cheerfully announced, “I wake up every morning with a smile and divine clarity, because my coffee is blessed!”
Commentary:
The twist here is a light play on the necessity of both spiritual and physical energy to start the day, with coffee as a holy boost.
Joke 32: Holy Humor Hour
During a staff meeting, one nun quipped, “We always end our day with a prayer. Some call it the ‘final blessing’—I call it my nightly recap!”
Commentary:
A humorous remark that plays on the dual meaning of “blessing” as both religious and a summary of the day’s events.
Joke 33: The Pilgrim’s Progress
On a long journey to a retreat, a nun remarked, “This walk is like my personal pilgrimage—except my sneakers are blessed instead of my sandals!”
Commentary:
A playful contrast between traditional imagery of a pilgrimage and a modern twist featuring blessed sneakers, inviting a smile at the blending of old and new.
Joke 34: House of Prayer, House of Puns
At a convent open house, a visitor asked, “Is it true that prayer can move mountains?”
Sister Teresa replied, “Only if you have the right ‘foundation’—and a good sense of humor!”
Commentary:
A pun that compares building materials and spiritual foundations, highlighting that humor can be as uplifting as prayer.
Joke 35: The Reluctant Recruit
When a friend teased, “Why did you join the convent?” one nun replied, “I needed a place where my puns could be considered divine intervention!”
Commentary:
This joke turns recruitment into a humorous choice, suggesting that sometimes, a calling comes with a built-in love of wordplay.
Joke 36: Sacramental Snacks
At a church picnic, a nun joked, “Our potluck has reached sacramental proportions—each dish feels like a little miracle!”
Commentary:
A light-hearted observation that likens a delicious home-cooked meal to a divine miracle—emphasizing the joy of community and shared blessings.
Joke 37: The Joyful Juggler
During a busy day at the orphanage, one nun said, “I’m juggling more tasks than a circus performer—good thing I’ve got heavenly balance!”
Commentary:
A playful take on the challenges of multitasking in a busy service environment, with a nod to the grace that comes from faith.
Joke 38: A Blessed Bargain
In a charity auction, a nun whispered, “I got this antique rosary for a steal—it’s practically a divine discount!”
Commentary:
Here, the twist is on the idea of saving money at an auction, with a humorous twist that calls the bargain “divine.”
Joke 39: The Sign of the Times
A group of nuns once gathered for a digital seminar. One remarked, “We’re so tech-savvy now, even our prayers are live-streamed!”
Another added, “Yes, and our Wi-Fi is truly heavenly!”
Commentary:
This joke blends modern technology with traditional practices, gently poking fun at the adoption of digital tools in a community known for its timeless ways.
Joke 40: The Final Laugh
At the end of the day’s service, one nun smiled and said, “Today, I gave my best sermon—a sermon of puns and profound truth. Let’s call it our little slice of paradise!”
Commentary:
The final joke wraps up the collection with a reminder that even in the sacred spaces of faith, laughter and wit have a place—bringing people together in joy and unity.
Adrian Hawthorne is a celebrated author and dedicated archivist who finds inspiration in the hidden stories of the past. Educated at Oxford, he now works at the National Archives, where preserving history fuels his evocative writing. Balancing archival precision with creative storytelling, Adrian founded the Hawthorne Institute of Literary Arts to mentor emerging writers and honor the timeless art of narrative.