“What possible explanation could he have,” I said, “for hiding divorce papers underneath our bed? In a packed suitcase? With my settlement listed in them? And a letter to some woman named Rebecca?”
“I don’t know, honey,” Megan said. “I really don’t. But imagining the worst won’t give you the truth. It’ll just give you the worst.”
I wiped my face with my sleeve.
“Do you want me to come over?” she asked. “I can leave work right now.”
“No,” I said. “I think I need to do this by myself.”
“Okay. But you call me. The second it’s over. You call me, or I’m driving over there.”
“I will.”
“Sutton?”
“Yeah?”
“You can see,” she said again. Softly. Like she still couldn’t believe it. “Whatever happens tonight. Don’t forget that part. You can see.”
After we hung up, I sat on the couch for a while. Then I went back into the bedroom and knelt down beside the suitcase again.
If I was going to confront my husband, I wanted to know everything first. Every single thing he’d been hiding.
I lifted up his folded shirts, one at a time, and set them on the bed.
Underneath them, at the very bottom of the suitcase, there was a small notebook. A black Moleskine with an elastic band around it. The kind Ashton used for work. He carried one everywhere for job site notes.
But this one wasn’t full of job site notes.
I took it out into the living room, to the window, and held my phone over the first page.
There were dates. Appointments. Little handwritten notes. Some of the entries went back four months. Five.
March 3. Feeling overwhelmed after work.
March 17. Having trouble sleeping again. Up at 3 a.m.
April 2. Snapped at S. over a glass of water. Hate myself for it.
April 9. Need to set healthier boundaries. R. says I can’t pour from an empty cup.
R.
Rebecca.
I kept turning pages. My hands were steadier now. Something about the handwriting, his handwriting, the way he crossed his sevens, made it easier.
And then one sentence made me stop.
I read it once. Then I read it again.
Am I helping Sutton become more independent, or am I making her feel incapable?
Lila Hart is a dedicated Digital Archivist and Research Specialist with a keen eye for preserving and curating meaningful content. At TheArchivists, she specializes in organizing and managing digital archives, ensuring that valuable stories and historical moments are accessible for generations to come.
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