I believed him.
I don’t know exactly why. Maybe it was the way his voice cracked. Maybe it was the notebook. Maybe it was the eight years.
But I believed him.
“Did you sign it?” I asked.
“No.”
“Did you file it?”
“No. Never. It’s never been anywhere except my desk at work and then that envelope.”
“Why not?”
He was quiet for a moment.
“Because when I actually sat down and thought about it,” he said. “Really thought about it. About ending our marriage. About moving out. About coming home every night to some apartment without you in it…”
He shook his head.
“I realized that’s not what I wanted. Not even a little bit. I didn’t want to leave you, Sutton. I wanted to stop feeling like I was failing you.”
“Then why keep the papers?”
“I didn’t know what to do with them,” he said. “I couldn’t throw them away at work. What if somebody saw them in the trash? And I couldn’t throw them away at home, because…”
He stopped.
“Because I might find them,” I said.
“Because you might find them. I was embarrassed I’d even considered it. I was embarrassed that I’d walked into that lawyer’s office at all. So I just kept them. And I kept not knowing what to do with them.”
“And the suitcase?”
He lowered his eyes.
“I packed it last night. After you asked me if I was tired of being married to you, and I couldn’t answer.”
“Why couldn’t you answer?”
“Because I was so tired of being tired that I couldn’t find the right words,” he said. “And I was terrified that whatever came out of my mouth would be wrong. So I didn’t say anything. And then I watched you walk down that hallway with your cane, and I thought, I just did the worst thing I could have possibly done.”
He rubbed his face.
“I thought about going to stay with Caleb for a few days. My brother. Out in Beaverton. So we could both have some space. So I could stop hurting you. I put the envelope in there because I thought… I don’t know what I thought. That I had to be honest with you. That I’d finally show you everything.”
“You were going to leave without talking to me?”
“No,” he said. “That’s why I put it under the bed. I packed it, and then I stood in the closet holding it and realized that if I walked out that door without talking to you first, I’d be doing the exact same thing I’d been doing for six months. Hiding. So I pushed it under the bed. I was going to talk to you this weekend. About everything. Rebecca. The lawyer. All of it.”
Lila Hart is a dedicated Digital Archivist and Research Specialist with a keen eye for preserving and curating meaningful content. At TheArchivists, she specializes in organizing and managing digital archives, ensuring that valuable stories and historical moments are accessible for generations to come.
Lila earned her degree in History and Archival Studies from the University of Edinburgh, where she cultivated her passion for documenting the past and preserving cultural heritage. Her expertise lies in combining traditional archival techniques with modern digital tools, allowing her to create comprehensive and engaging collections that resonate with audiences worldwide.
At TheArchivists, Lila is known for her meticulous attention to detail and her ability to uncover hidden gems within extensive archives. Her work is praised for its depth, authenticity, and contribution to the preservation of knowledge in the digital age.
Driven by a commitment to preserving stories that matter, Lila is passionate about exploring the intersection of history and technology. Her goal is to ensure that every piece of content she handles reflects the richness of human experiences and remains a source of inspiration for years to come.